Whenever I have opened heart, mind and will to vulnerability, a space of tension is created where creativity and connection to humanity (or a particular human) can begin.
Three weeks ago, I attended a leadership retreat during which the Quaker practice of deep listening took place. My responsibility was to speak for fifteen minutes while a group of listeners take notes and ask questions that contained no advice or judgment. Questions were to help me internally work through what my initial problem/discussion point was based on the hope that internally each learner knows the correct path when taping into authentic self.
What I gleaned from this experience was:
First, talking about a professional/personal problem while eight folks sit around me with tablets and pens is vulnerable. Second, talking for 15 minutes about self with zero feedback is emotionally excruciating. Third, it is difficult for listeners to listen without putting their own spin or desire to give advice into play. If a person did ask a leading question the group mentor gently intervened and properly redirected how questions in the scenario should be framed.
This experience was work for everyone involved as we discovered that
deep listening is intense and difficult. The other caveat for participants was that we were not to discuss ever, unless I initiated. At the conclusion of session - there was an exact time schedule adhered to - each listener gave me their full notes (which I am not ready to read yet).
Afterward, the retreat continued with a weekend of lectures and meditations. Nothing else was said to me.
What I learned was how refreshing exposing vulnerability is when I know nothing is going to be said back. Being deeply listened to helped me expose authentic self and from this, opened my heart to possible connections.
I've watched Brene Brown’s Ted Talk on vulnerability, I know that being vulnerable is difficult. Developing the courage and heart takes practice as our culture works hard to suppress. I agree with Brown, if I want deep connections and a sense of worthiness, vulnerability is a necessity.
