On the Road

I woke this morning thinking that I have been immersed in preparation; I miss the daily exchange of thoughts.  The blog is an empty space giving me an opportunity to reflect and share.  

What is the Question?

Today as I am preparing for a workshop in Chicago, I am keeping focused by asking:  What is the Question behind my Work?  What is my best hope for this event?  Am I speaking my personal truth?

Trust your Instruments

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Several years ago, I helped a friend study for the test to earn a private pilot license.  A point made in the review, that stuck with me, was that a pilot  must always trust her instruments.  I think this is sound advice for life too.  I have a gut instinct, a knowing that is my gauge when I make decisions.  I need to trust this internal mechanism. 


This red dragonfly never seems to questions its ability to fly ... it knows

Question

Throughout the past two days my internal point of view needed a lift.  We all have been there ...  moments when life does not make sense.  When this happens to me I cannot calculate what the question behind my work is ... the why of what I am doing.   Knowing that emotional growth hinges on looking and listening within myself to know truth ... the invisible infrastructure, thoughts and beliefs, that hold me together ... and then taking an action that fills me with renewed energy is the only way I know how to get past this slump.  What works for me includes spending time with a person who has faith in me, participating in thoughtful conversation and laughing. 

Too Busy equals Less Thoughtful

Once in a while life goes a little haywire for me.  Having several important decisions on my plate and/or having more to do than I can reasonably complete within a period of time are two elements that can contribute to feeling overwhelmed.  There are moments when I want to cry out, "Stop the madness." 

Control

I was driving east on a busy road today enjoying conversation with my grandson when the west bound vehicle heading toward us, careened out of control.  For a second, I thought the car was going to skid across the pavement and take us out. I believe it would have except the driver over corrected, yanking the steering wheel in the opposite direction causing his car to flip.  The point I want to make is that within that instant, I knew I was not in control of what was going to happen.  Life can change or end two miles from your home - the event can have nothing to with me or what I have done ... I just happened to be on the highway.  Once I saw that the driver and passenger escaped; I was relieved for all of us.

I can tell you this: dinner tasted especially good tonight, outside the heat is not worth complaining about, and sharing the evening with someone I love has renewed meaning.

Camouflage

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Concealing from the perceived adversary by appearing to be part of the natural surroundings is a tactic often used by wildlife.  I can see you but I sure hope you cannot see me.  I have used that approach when hiding feelings because I may not be sure if what I sense is true.  Intuition can be right but it also can be wrong.  I do not recommend camouflage for long term; truthful discussion is best, but now and again I need to assess before speaking, lying low in order to size up the situation.  I have discovered the enemy is sometimes within me.

Reality Check or Thump Therapy ?

Considering the facts of life - what is actual - especially my financial existence is an important exercise.  Today I am working on a monthly budget - am I staying within my true monetary ability?  This does not sound fun but surprisingly doing this helps me rein in.  Nothing can drain me more than realizing that I have spent more than I have made.  I once heard  a joke about the need for "thump therapy";  spending this morning planning economically was a true reality check for me.  THUMP!

Kiss any Frogs Lately?

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Life in the marsh is plentiful ... the longer I sat on the log taking in the exquisite beauty of the Iris, the more I saw.  Dragonflies, damsel flies, fish, tadpoles, snakes were some of the visible wildlife that existed on what was available to eat in the swamp.  There was a fable I recall from childhood that suggested that if I kissed a frog, the amphibian would turn into a prince.  I'm contemplating that as this specimen viewed me from the center of the boggy area; we gazed at each other for minutes.  At one point, he smoothly stretched out his back legs;  I was sure he was swimming away.  To my surprise he came closer and stopped about three inches from where I sat.  He was fine-looking, detailed with flecks of gold like armor over his iridescent green body. 

My girlish memory thought,  knight in shining armor?  Well, he did not get a kiss. 
What I have learned from experience is that the idea is true though - the true champions of my soul usually do not fit the description of Hollywood's "beautiful people".   Instead, those dearest to my heart may appear ordinary if examined from that shallow view, but their true nature is superb, discriminating, intelligent and loving.  Perhaps that is the truth of kissing a frog - understanding and respecting what is really there within the people we care about.

Unexpected



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 Walking through a marshy area this past week, I was surprised to discover hundreds of Wild Iris surrounded by Cattails both lit by the sunshine enhancing the hues of purple and green ... lavish.  Mid-July instinctively seemed late to view this beautiful flower in Michigan and I wanted to visually take them in, bask in their delicate beauty.  There was a large tree that had fallen across the marsh offering me a path to the center of the quagmire.  As I balanced on the end of the dead log, I recalled that I have used the word quagmire in my writing to describe my life out of control, but here in the marshland I saw that a swamp does offer unexpected splendor.

Take a Closer Look

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When life gets me down with world bleakness I center myself by looking ... taking a closer peek at what is inside, or outside, or around the corner.  There is always something more.

Damsel Fly

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My granddaughter recently asked me if fairies were real?  Walking through a marshy area yesterday, I was surrounded by beautifully colored damsel flies:  I felt like I was in another world - fairyland perhaps?  It wouldn't take too much imagination to believe these darting slender blue flies were fairies... hundreds of damsels in distress.

This damsel certainly did not look like she was in distress ... well ... maybe.  Perhaps she thought I was the villain or monster?  She did flit away quickly ... no hero to her rescue that I observed.  She saved herself.

Full Moon

Last night, I basked in the light of a full moon watching it light a path from Bois Blanc Island to Cheboygan.  The evening air was cool enough to discourage the mosquitos making sitting on the public dock pleasant.  Momentarily, I recalled a book I read.  One of the characters escaped a situation at midnight by running away in the glow of the moon.  Over the water the luminous trail was inviting ... not for walking though - there will be no walking on water for me : )  I've decided to face my life head on.

Finishing the Puzzle

Have you ever been the person to find the last few pieces of a puzzle and fit them in the correct spot?  I know that satisfaction; an aha moment. Yes, here is where these final pieces fit and now look at this gorgeous picture that is finally complete... the feeling is fulfilling.  This segment (remember the carpenter ruler entry) of life is like that for me . The most difficult mental task that I face is believing that I have a right to be happy.  Do you know that I am only beginning to appreciate that another life is not more precious than the life that is mine?  Why this truth has taken years to understand is a complex web. 

This is what I know for sure.  What will make me happy is for me to figure out.  What I know at this moment is that joyful has nothing to do with possessions.  Sharing daily experiences with a person who loves me, a person who is grateful for what I have to offer, a person who asks how I am and considers what I require emotionally is part of the mystery.  These actions are pleasant and must be part of the complete picture.  Wouldn't it be grand at the end of existence (a moment of being simultaneous with the final breath taken) to understand that I have figured out part of the riddle of life?  I strive for that ... to be kind to those who do not empathize with me, to love my children and family, to give and receive love from a person who truly is interested in my well-being, and to live a life that is an example of the best that I am capable of.  These are the final pieces of the puzzle ... I want to get them right.

Praying Mantis

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When I'm in need of intrigue, I turn to nature.  Recently my friend introduced me to the Praying Mantis.  They are fascinating to study - each day there is change in his "crop".  Yesterday I watched from a distance as one molted.  Replacing its outer body covering is how they increase in size.  This can happen several times until the final molt produces wings.  (Although I've read that in some species the females are wingless - why does it have to be the female? : )  On a near by shrub, another Mantis seemed to be studying my movement; I saw a distinct turning of the Mantis head (some species can turn 300 degrees) with each slight shift I made. 

Morning

Each morning offers the opportunity to start again.  Of course, I cannot erase past decisions; those choices, as soon as they are thought even before taking the action, are woven into the fabric of my psyche ... who I am includes the person who is both fragile and strong.  Without saying, I want to improve how I interact with the people I love.   At day break, eyes sleepy  in the stillness, I realize that the day often begins uncomplicated.  If I made a mistake yesterday, today I start anew. 

Laughing

Have you ever felt like you were an actor in an episode of Saturday Night Live?  Often life is ludicrous and the only thing I can do is cry or laugh.  I choose to laugh; not the hysterical laughter that recently a grammarian featured on NPR explained is kin to a nervous breakdown.  No, I gut laugh.  It feels wonderful and clears the brain. 

There is a comment box below; I'd love you to post a moment of hilarity ... we all have them; sometimes we just forget to laugh.

Replenishment

One measurement of living successfully for me is the ability to demonstrate courage.  Do I have a reserve of moral strength that I can draw on when dealing with adversity ... when facing dire stress?  What I have learned about myself is that the quality of spirit set aside, within me, for such events needs to be replenished. The limit of what I can boldly and thoughtfully handle is different from another person ... what one individual can take, another person may call their breaking point.  When I've reached this line, I often do not know it  until I've crossed over and by then explaining my action to those closest to me, those people who depend on me, is futile.  It is easy to view choices from our own perspective.  I believe there is value in respecting what I know intuitively; exhibiting determination to establish this boundary, to share truth the best I can, is a worthy measurement.  The other piece to this life philosophy is to forgive myself when I fail.  Offering kindness and understanding to each other is always part of the right approach.

Time

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Do you remember the wooden carpenter ruler that was jointed at each foot making it possible to unfold the ruler to a larger size?  I've been thinking about this measurement tool using it as a metaphor for length of life.  I am at the end ... perhaps, if I am lucky, there might be one more section to open.  This thought has me evaluating ... who was the girl in the first segment of life; what were her dreams?  There is still time ... I  have this moment for sure and I have chosen to write to you.

A Boundary

When we fence our yards, we are putting up a boundary.  There are many good reasons for taking such an action, one example would be to provide protection for small children we love.  The fence is a visual that marks a limit; it is not safe for you to play beyond this barrier.  Establishing a personal boundary is difficult but necessary to protect individual dignity.  There has to be an edge that figuratively states to family and friends:  Go no further.  When decisions are thoughtfully made, there is no need to allow people to tromp on them ... it is right to calmly protect a life choice as we would a youngster in our care.

Reality Check

There are suitcases to unpack, clothes to wash, banking to do, groceries to buy, mail to pick up,  and family to call (not necessarily in this order).

From Great to Great in Four Hours

Yesterday I shared miniatures; this morning I flew over Utah's Great Salt Lake - the largest salt water lake in the western hemisphere.  I will be in Michigan within four hours, a state surrounded by the largest surface of fresh water on Earth.  As I look out the tiny porthole window of the plane, I am missing the little Utah pond in my friend's backyard.  This puddle was carefully filled with tiny fish and tadpoles from the Gunlock River.  I hope the dragonflies, hummingbirds and Lesser Goldfinch will guard them ... it will be great if they are thriving when I return.

Minutia in the Backyard?

Small, trival details in nature ... not a chance.

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Catfish in the Desert

We stopped at Indian Springs on our lizard spotting expedition; I was surprised to see that the spring was captured in a reservoir made of corrugated, galvanized metal walls forming a holding tank four feet tall and thirty feet in diameter.  A pool in the middle of the desert!  The contained water  was cool to the touch and appeared clean except for the silty, stone covered bottom.  A couple of ladders fashioned from re-rod curved over the rim extending into the pond.  I imagined a cowboy, hot and tired from herding the free range cattle, deciding to take a plunge.  Why not, I considered?  I mean really, it was a better view than swimming at a Hilton; I gazed out at the landscape consisting of large rocks, tumbleweed, cactus, shrubs and in the distance, mountains on all sides.  Ah, I wish I had a raft and a bottle of wine; I could picture myself floating - no one would believe this oasis was situated on the dusty two-track lane winding through Beaver Dam Wash.  The idea of bathing took root and I was considering diving in - only the lizards and birds around, why not?  Peering into the pool, I noticed something on the bottom ... something dark and about a foot long.  After poking with a stick, the fish quickly moved .  A catfish ... as I studied the fish, I took notice that there were several smaller catfish feeding on the mossy interior of the metal.  I don't know, I deliberated momentarily...the larger fish had noticeable whiskers.   I decided to pass on the swim - this time anyway : )

Lizards




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Identifying the correct names of the wild life I have enjoyed in their natural form and stance is as much fun as the viewing.  Organizing the pictures and then sharing them with you adds to the feeling of accomplishment and assists me in recapturing the mood, the excitement I felt when each animal was spotted.  "Look ... over there!  He looks like a different species."  These declarations were said quietly, calmly as not to disturb the lizard while within my chest cavity, I experienced a small leap before the sensation of increased heart rhythm.


 



 
Does this Side Blotched Lizard feel the same curiosity when noticing me?


 

                                                                             


This exquisitely marked Collard Lizard certainly seems interested.

 Am I the observer ...  or, is he?







              

                Who am I kidding?

First installment of yesterday's Beaver Dam Wash



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Entering the Beaver Dam Wash area there is an attractive grove of Joshua Trees.  The morning temperature was comfortable; we had the sunroof open and windows down.  I need moments like this to feel alive; to know that all that is beautiful is free for the looking. 

 


This majestic Red-Tailed Hawk was the first   

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 sighting of the day.  I spotted him perched high on a rock overlooking the road.  We spent several minutes staring at each other ... I hope he was impressed as I was but I doubt it : )






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What I have found interesting about desert wilderness is that at first glance, I feel like I'm the only living animal but I've learned to sit still and listen ... the wilderness sounds begin to overlay my awareness - after a short time bombarding me with a cacophony of vibrations. 


Could this little Whiptail Lizard be studying me?  He definitely, froze when he sensed I was near.




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Hey you, this Clark's Spiny Lizard seemed to say, you are trespassing; I am the boss here. 

Well, I believe him; I often do not feel like the boss of anything.

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Well, get lost then.  I am not afraid to take control.  This is it lady; pay attention!