If the Shoe Fits

I do not want to wear society’s cloak … to do so is like putting on another person’s clothes.  That act of donning is in direct contrast to Henry David Thoreau’s (Walden) comment on wearing his clothes long enough that the fabric recognizes the shape of his bended knee.  In an abstract way, taking Thoreau’s advice is to be comfortable in my own skin.  I have to feel confident with standards that make up the value system I elect to live by.  There is a lot that is wrong in our world.  The questioning in my heart is part of my search for harmony within the culture I reside. 

I recognize that I live in a condensed space with other people.  I want to be a team player but often I feel like an outsider, an intruder within my own country.   If I voice my concerns, then I can be lambasted.  It is impossible to accept principles on how to live life from those part of the status quo when I recognize that the people screaming the loudest are NOT happy. 

A little Bird told Me

Upon reflection, life altering experiences do not immediately change me … there is not an instantaneous event and BOOM … a moment of being wherein a behavior transforms into a revolutionized better me.  No … not that way at all. 

Transformation is defined as the act or instance of transforming; this definition does not explain how change happens for me.   Let me use a project to illustrate this point.  In the backyard, we are designing a path extending from the patio to a very small pool of water located in the far corner.   While taking hikes through mountainous area of Utah, we have collected a variety of medium, flat stones, all different shapes. Once positioned in place, the diverse forms build on each other to fashion the walkway.  To date, this work is not complete because we enjoy the search and are not in a rush. 

Transition for me is like the path I am helping to construct.  Each day is composed of diverse events that link to past occurrence.  I keep fitting the pieces together.  With time, I will synthesize what I have learned (or refused to learn) and perhaps overcome a negative trait.  One day, I’ll turn backwards in review and admire the effort, no matter how difficult, because these actions were needed to develop. 

Outside the door wall, the curved footpath is almost complete; it is beautiful and unique.  Small birds lightly peck at seeds strewn over the surface.  I can imagine them saying to their flock, “Hey, check this out.  There is something new developing here.”   

Bread and life are forgiving.

For those interested, the bread was forgiving of my mistakes ... delicious.

Bread

Today I am baking bread ... as I am writing to you, the dough is rising.  After kneading the dough to a consistency that felt correct, I plopped the mixture into a glass bowl, covered with plastic wrap before setting in the oven to encourage the combined ingredients to increase in size.  In one hour I am to punch the expanded blob down, split in half and then form two separate loaves.  The reshaped dough will also have to rise. 

Since I do not have a mixer, I decided to prepare the dough using my hands.  Five minutes ago, after rereading the last recipe, I noticed a small notation at the end of the third sheet of instructions where the author noted that if I were to make the dough without a mixer, the yeast should be activated first in warm water.   Ugh… hopefully my bread dough can adapt.  From where I am seated, the mixture looks doubled in size.  I question the second punching down; why not simply bake this original impressive mound? 

There are important phases in the process when the dough has to rest before swelling again. It occurs to me that life is like this ... we make mistakes, we rise; we are punched down only to rise again.  Expanding is important if we want to produce an impressive loaf of bread.  Learning and developing is imperative for me to develop into a better person.    

I believe I am at the second rising stage, trying to get it right (already making mistakes).   As for the bread, I'll let you know if I was able to produce a proper loaf.

A Sympathetic String

There is a harmonic phenomenon in music called sympathetic resonance.  This occurrence happens, for example, when an untouched string produces a sound in response to an external vibration.  The string quivers in reply to the chorded note without being touched.  In ancient times this sympathetic resonance was revered by musicians as magical … a mystery.  Relationships are like that; in the presence of a person who excites us, ignites our thought and captures our heart, our body cues are rich.   We feel significant … special. We all know this happens – there is a person who can turn on all of our hidden lights.

Truth

My body does not deny truth; I must be aware of these feelings to know what is real.  Case in point, I can tell you that I am not hungry.  As you look at me, you can not envision that I have not eaten in two days.  The gnawing craving for food that clamors for attention internally is invisible.  I can even tell myself that I am satisfied.  But, I contend that if I am in a kitchen smelling the aroma from a baking loaf of bread, I will involuntarily salivate with the want of food.  (You can not see this either unless I totally lose control and drool.)  What I am trying to say is that self denial of what I need can backfire; on the inside subconsciously each of us have necessary requirements that are fundamental.  I want to pay attention to these cues - there is authenticity within the signals of my body that are essential to address for self actualization to have a chance.

Relationship

Conversation between two caring adults can act as a laser beam in a spectrometer; each voice echos back an answer off the concave mirrors housed in the ends ... our brain and our heart respond.  One word leads to another; parallel actions develop into a tunnel of light, actions adhere forming a thick band until there is a bond ... a relationship.  Hopefully, the people involved will understand that their discourse can be as fragile as it can be strong ... when a connection manifests it is special and should be cherished.