2012 Is My Year to be Authentic

Recently, I was sharing this blog with the editor of a local paper.  He asked if I would categorize the writing as advice.  “Advice!”  I had to laugh. “If you knew my journey throughout this past year, you would hardly want guidance from me.”  Which begs the question: what is the point of my blog? 

The answer is sharing.  Sharing what I’ve noticed; what I believe to be noteworthy and also revealing the many times I have failed.

Throughout this past month I have not written because I was on a horrendous emotional journey.I participated in the hurt feelings that I held onto during December.  Blaming another person is a shameful out and offers no opportunity for emotive maturity.  In the company of stubbornness, I nursed the ache that seemed to center around my heart.  I could actually feel pain at the core of my being…my chest area felt dull.  Inside my skull, the brain rotated thoughts over and over creating a distorted reality.  All of this activity removed me from what was real; the story was flawed.   Martyring to this pain, I closed off communication because I did not want to suffer. 

Really, a miracle occurred … taking into account our history, the beauty of everyday existence that I shared with a special person, a small voice generating from my gut urged me to take action.  Thankfully, forgiveness was an option.  I am committed to communication and yet when faced with a difficult challenge, I closed up.  Not only did I wound me, but I denied many of the truths that I have shared with readers of this blog.  I continue to be humbled.  This is my lesson:  Two people who love each other have the potential to destroy what was exquisite between them.  Protecting the vulnerability of the person I love will develop a shield for me too.  Love is fragile on many fronts … taking responsibility for where I failed is my first step.  I desire our relationship to mature … in 2012, I will not build emotional walls.  This year is a time of authenticity for me.  I want to start by saying: I love you to my companion.