I used to believe that I could heal myself when suffering emotional pain. I thought that if I read enough and disciplined myself that I didn’t need anyone else to repair a damaged psyche. I do not accept this as true anymore … it is part of the process but the other piece for me will be people. I have to reach out with total honesty … tell the truth with no self deceit, no justifying or blaming.
This morning I woke knowing that I am capable of building walls to ward off hurt. The horror is that if I mentally construct a barrier, I will literally block out life. This action reminds me of the Edgar Allen Poe story “The Cask of Amontillado" The tale is systematically woven as a man takes revenge on a former friend by burying him alive. Methodically his persecutor sets brick by brick in place sealing the fate of his screaming captive.
If I choose to erect walls, I will kill any chance for true healing and growth. I have to feel when I am suffering. It is real.
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